the devil's playground

I fancy myself an independent (and independent-minded) person. But when there is no one on my mind, I quickly and inappropriately "create" someone to fill that void. I will take a random guy and bestow on him an importance that he didn't earn and probably wouldn't be rewarded with if circumstances were different (that is, if I had someone else occupying my mind). I will take some guy with whom I have very little in common (just because he's cute, or whatever), and fantasise about him, and hope he likes me, and wonder if he's thinking of me, and thus he will take over and occupy my mind whenever it is idle.

Why can't I just occupy my mind with work, or study, or philosophy or science or art, or anything that doesn't involve a random man?

This habit pisses me off.

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