I dealt with it

That whole situation that stabbed at the scar of the past betrayals, I sort it out, all by myself, with no help (definitely no help from you). And that makes me feel strong, independent, that as long as what's hurting is inside of me, I can deal with it, I can change. Because I can't change what hurts me from the outside/reality, but I have all the power in the world to change what's inside of me.

But then I think how much I miss the idea of being with you, and I don't feel so strong or independent, but neither I feel weak and depended. I feel… Romantic? That same feeling that I through it had been killed off with my dealings. And it's still there, and yeah, it makes me sad and it hurts me, but I don't want to change that, because I didn't think I would be able to feel like this again.